I told my husband to play with our puppy more. He sent me this.
Ok, can we just take a minute to appreciate how much work went into this? Keeping the puppy there, writing “Your dog really loses scrabble bad” all connected to each other, writing “growl” “woof” “snarl” all together, and writing “Im dashing” on his chip-holder-thing.
This dude put thought into his snark.
I never noticed that.
last year i was eating in a fancy, large restaurant when i began to hear a rumble and the distant sound of people chanting ‘potassium, potassium’ and suddenly hundreds of people dressed as bananas flood this restaurant chanting potassium over and over and we were trapped there for a very long time because the bananas would not leave and they were everywhere
i wasn’t joking
"just stop thinking about it"
omg ok thank you so much for your advice why didn’t I just come up WITH THIS PERFECT IDEA LET ME JUST STOP THINKING ABOUT THE THING THAT BUGS ME THE MOST IN MY LIFE OMG THAT IS SO EASY THANK YOU SO FUCKING MUCH FOR MAKING MY LIFE BETTER I WOULD HAVE NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT THIS BY MYSELF
one time my dad tripped over some ice and was like ‘this is JUST like the titanic’
is this the same dad that once called you dad
no, that was a different dad. i have thousands of dads that ive synthesised in my home lab in the basement. speaking of that, the three armed one just got out again god damnit
WHAT DO YOU AMERICANS MEAN WHEN A SHOW IS ON AT LIKE FUCKIN “8/7c” WHAT IS THAT????
We never switched over to metric timekeeping. The c stands for “Caw”, referring to how many times a majestic eagle has flown overhead and cawed that day. Sometimes the eagles are feeling sluggish, so the show could be on after either the 7th or 8th caw.